Pezberry Texts
by JR-Boone
Summary: This is a collection of random Pezberry texts co-authored with lightblue-Nymphadora. There isn't any rhyme or reason to them just so you know. Will mostly stay T but I'll move that to M if I ever have to. Rachel's parts are written by Nymphadora and Santana's are written by me. Follow our Tumblrs at LightBlueNymphadora and JRAbraxas!
1. Chapter 1

**To Berry:** Hey midget wut r u up 2 rite now?

**To Santana:** Hello, Santana! I hope your evening is going well. My dads are out having their weekly date night, so I'm cuddled up with Raider watching Project Runway. And please refrain from using text speak. There's always time for proper grammar.

**To Berry:** God u manage 2 ramble even in ur texts. I think ur missing the point of texting berry. And wut the fuck is a raider? Did u finally replace Finnessa?

**To Santana:** I don't ramble, Santana. I merely believe that one should write in proper sentences. The point of texting is not having to call - not abusing the English language. And Raider is my Corgi. I'm still single.

**To Berry:** Wutever berry jesus christ I wudn't have texted u if i knew i was gonna get a grammar lesson out of it.

**To Santana:** …why did you text me?

**To Berry:** Wutever just 4get it. C u school Rachel. Nite.

**To Santana:** Santana?

**To Santana:** Come on, Santana.

**To Santana:** Fine. Good night.


	2. Chapter 2

**To Santana:** I usually don't text during class, but I wanted to say thank you for earlier. You didn't have to stop them from slushying me….

**To Berry:** It's cool…I mean its not cool th u get slushied. That sux. Fuck I mean I'm gonna try and stop em wen i can.

**To Santana:** Thanks. But may I ask why? Not that I'm complaining. I just know you're not particularly fond of me.

**To Berry:** I don't know. slushies r just getting old and stupid now. finnept should have stopped them last yr anywayz. and ur not that bad i guess. its wutever berry. don't make a big deal out of it.

**To Santana:** Considering the fact that the only people who've ever stood up for me are either related to me or lawyers, it's going to be hard not to make a big deal of it.

**To Santana:** However, I'll try!

**To Berry:** Well just get used 2 it.

**To Berry:** So uh howz class going Frodo?

**To Santana:** Used to what? Lawyers defending me? I admit that does play into my inevitable future in the spotlight, but I assure you I will not be one of those train wrecks a la Lindsey Lohan.

**To Santana:** It's boring. I usually love history, but Mr. Wilkins makes everything so…depressing. He's creepy.

**To Santana:** Why do you call me a hobbit?

**To Berry:** Fuck no I meant get used 2 me stoppin the slushies Berry. -.-

**To Berry:** And its cuz ur short and kind of cool or sumthing.

**To Berry:** Anyways i got cheerios now so l8tr Berry.

**To Berry:** Oh and tell me if any1 slushes u okay.

**To Santana:** Have a good practice. Thanks again.


	3. Chapter 3

**To Berry:** Yo Berry where r u? Class started like 5 mins ago.

**To Santana:** I had a situation. I'm in the bathroom.

**To Berry:** fuck who did it?

**To Santana:** Please just drop it. It's not worth you getting in trouble. And I know you'll go off the deep end if I tell you, so…don't worry about it.

**To Berry:** christ berry im not gonna just let it go

**To Berry:** who did it?

**To Santana:** If I tell you, do you promise to keep Snix at bay? The sophomore science lab is still under renovations from the last time you let your alter ego run free….

**To Berry:** Sure wutever I solemnly swear just tell me so i can go fix it

**To Santana:** Any time I see the words "I solemnly swear" I think the person's up to no good… Fine. It was a freshman football player. Zachariah something or other. But Finn was there - like, right there. Can we let it go now? See you in class in a minute.

**To Berry:** wutever I'll drop it 4 now but pyramid nipples is gonna get it l8r. and hurry up cause Sampson is going about a mile a min.

**To Berry:** but u can copy my notes if u want or wutever

**To Berry:** also ur a nerd

**To Santana:** Just put my clothes in my locker. I'm coming.

**To Berry:** Wanky.


	4. Chapter 4

**To Santana:** Hey! Um, remember how you said I could copy your notes? That offer still good?

**To Berry:** Um yah…I'll get britt to bring em 2 u 2morrow.

**To Santana:** Actually, I was wondering if you'd like to come over now. My dads have some kind of function in Columbus, so I'm kind of bored. And alone.

**To Berry:** u want me 2 come over 2 ur house? y dont u just call porcelain if ur bored.

**To Santana:** If you want. You don't have to, if you're not comfortable. Kurt's having "Girl Night" with Mercedes.

**To Berry:** Uh okay…give me like 30 mins and ill come drop them off

**To Berry:** y rn't u at "girl night"?

**To Santana:** I'm never invited.

**To Berry:** those 2 r idiots Rachel. i'll be over in a bit k?

**To Santana:** …you called me Rachel….

**To Berry:** well its ur name rite? wud u prefer frodo?

**To Santana:** Though I'm beginning to view "Frodo" as a term of endearment, Rachel is just fine. See you in a bit. I'm making dinner, if you're hungry.

**To Berry:** its not a term of anything. anyways sorry i cant make it i'm going 2 a party. ill get brittany to bring em 2 u 2morrow.

**To Santana:** Oh. Okay. I guess I'll see you at school on Monday then.

**To Berry:** im suspended till wednesday. l8r berry.

**To Santana:** So much for keeping Snix in check…. Have fun at your party.


	5. Chapter 5

**To Berry:** hey berry u sitill want those notes?

**To Santana:** Sure. If you're not busy.

**To Berry:** Im not. this party is fucking lame. i just need 2 find my keys.

**To Santana:** Keys? Wait, have you been drinking?

**To Berry:** um it is a partyy berry. y u worried about me tink?

**To Santana:** Tink? And I'm worried that you'll wrap yourself around a light pole or crash into a train because you're buzzed. Wait there. I'll come get you.

**To Berry:** no don't.

**To Berry:** i'm just gonna walk. entertain me berry.

**To Santana:** Entertain you? How so? I could call and sing to you, but something tells me you wouldn't be up for that. We could play 20 Questions, I guess.

**To Berry:** yah lets skip the singin k? i'm way 2 wasted 2 apprec8 it.

**To Berry:** shoot me a ?

**To Santana:** Right. What's your favorite animal and why?

**To Berry:** snakes cuz they're fuckin bamfs. wut about u?

**To Berry:** on ur street now.

**To Santana:** Tigers, because they're fierce and they're survivors. Why did you call me Tink earlier?

**To Santana:** I think I see you. Where the hell's your jacket?

**To Berry:** cuz u remind me a psychotic fairy at times. and i left i at the party i couldnt stay there any more. b at ur door in sec.

**To Santana:** Come on in. It's unlocked.


	6. Chapter 6

**To Santana:** This is weird. Are you sure about this?

**To Berry:** c'mon just trust me Rachel. have i given u a reason 2 doubt me yet?

**To Santana:** Umm…I'll assume we're just ignoring eighth through tenth grade?

**To Berry:** smartass. look it will b fine. just get ready and i'll b there in 20 okay

**To Santana:** This is the weirdest weekend ever. What if I get slushied wearing this? These clothes were expensive!

**To Berry:** ur not going 2 get slushied. like i dont even no how that wud happen. thats the point of going 2 towns over u no?

**To Santana:** I'm traumatized by the daily happenings at McKinley. How do you even know where a gay bar is?

**To Santana:** Also, could you have picked out a shorter skirt for me?

**To Berry:** I cud have but wut would have been the fun in that? Besides it makes ur legs look fucking awesome. like srslly who did u sell ur soul 2 4 those?

**To Berry:** and really how do u think. just…just b cool ok and lets go have a good time. i'll b there in a few rach.

**To Santana:** Didn't have to sell my entire soul. I got friends on the other side. And if you don't get that joke, I'm kidnapping you next weekend for a movie marathon. Hurry up, I'm freezing out here and I don't want my dads to see me.


	7. Chapter 7

**To Berry:** i'm so fucking sorry rachel

**To Berry:** plz i know that was shitty of me i just panicked

**To Berry:** please!

**To Santana:** I'm still experiencing strong feelings of animosity towards you. I would appreciate it if we didn't discuss this now.

**To Santana:** But just out of curiosity, WHY?

**To Berry:** i dont no y! i just panicked! its like they fucking came out of nowere and i panicked. i swear 2 god im so fucking sorry. i cant believe i called u that name again.

**To Berry:** i just…im sorry rachel

**To Santana:** Here's the thing, Santana. I want to believe you. I so, so want to believe that we've somehow turned a corner. I really thought we had. What with you voluntarily leaving a party to spend time with me, taking me shopping, and giving me pet names.

**To Santana:** Rach? Tink? Two steps forward, a 200 meter dash back…. It's like we're on a merry-go-round of utter stupidity from whence neither my sanity nor your self accountability will ever escape! So I'm done. If you're truly sorry, find some way to prove it. I'm tire of this game.

**To Berry:** Rachel please im so so so fucking sorry. tell me wut 2 do and ill do it.

**To Berry:** Rachel please?

**To Berry:** plz dont give up on me

**To Rachel:** i need u

***some time later***  
**  
To Rachel:** can u plz meet me in the auditorium 2morrow morning around 8. jsut say yes or no please

**To Santana:** Fine. I'm giving you 10 minutes, and that's it.


	8. Chapter 8

**From Quinn to Rachel:** You okay?

**To Quinn:** Yeah, fine. Thanks.

**From Quinn to Rachel:** Are you sure? You look like someone just used a Confundus charm on you.

**To Quinn:** Nerd.

**To Santana:** Consider yourself on probation until further notice….

**To Rachel:** so u liked it then? i wasnt sure about wut 2 do but disney compilation performance sounded rite up ur ally.

**To Santana:** I was musically impressed. Though I'm still calling shenanigans on "Can You Feel the Love Tonight," the rest was, I'll admit, stellar.

**To Rachel:** rlly? shenanigans?

**To Rachel:** admit it tho u thought it was cool

**To Santana:** Yes, shenanigans. Are you seriously trying to tell me you LIKE me, like me or something? And of course I thought it was cool. I don't applaud for mediocre performances.

**To Rachel:** ok…i cant promise u im not gonna do stupid shit sometimes. its who i am. but i can promise u that i mean it when i said that i like u. its just…fuck ur awesome and i no this is new and all but yeah i like u. is that okay?

**To Santana:** You know it's okay. I adore being liked. And that's why I'm going to make you work a little harder. I refuse to go back to how I was with Finn. It would be so easy for me to just fall into this, but I won't. You're going to have to prove it to me. Changing my name to "Rachel" in your phone is a good start.

**To Santana:** Stop looking around or we'll get caught! Yes, I can see your phone from here. Doofus. :)

**To Rachel:** Ok i got it. u want 2 b wooed rite? hold on 2 ur skirt Tink cuz ima blow ur raggedy ass exbf out of the water.

**To Santana:** …you can start by eliminating text speak….

**To Santana:** Why are you grinning like that?

**To Santana:** SANTANA! Stop giving me that look!


	9. Chapter 9

**To Rachel:** Sooooo wus that impressive enuf 4 u Rach?

**To Santana:** Where in Barbara's name did you find fireworks?

**To Rachel:** I mite or mite not know sum unsavory ppl that owe me a few favs. now answer my q por favor and b specific on ur favorite part. :D

**To Santana:** My favorite part was the fact that you didn't get arrested for inviting the Grambling State Marching band to our school and setting off fireworks in the auditorium.

**To Santana:** Also I do enjoy it when you sing Alicia Keys…

**To Rachel:** Ok so mayb figgins is in that group of ppl that own me 1. and i did kill that song. of course not as great as u would of. ;)

**To Rachel:** So have i erned myself the rite 2 ask u out on a date or do u need more pretty lady?

**To Santana:** I'm sorry, I couldn't understand that last text. What were you asking? :)

**To Rachel:** Oh u've got jokes huh? I got jokes 2 Rach and I can go all nite long.

**To Rachel:** My fair maiden I implore you to tell me whether I have redeemed myself for my inexcusable horrid behavior of the past, and if said path to retribution might possibly be at a juncture where you deem me worthy enough to spend a night in your presence. If you're answer is no please inform me with haste so that I might prepare another extravagant display of my affection towards you. Forever Yours, Santana Diabla Lopez

**To Santana:** *dying* Yes, Santana.

**To Santana:** And is that really your middle name?

**To Rachel:** U bet ur socks it is. Papi wanted me 2 have a strong name.

**To Rachel:** Speaking of papi i have 2 go eat now. can i pick u up 4 school 2morrow? we can talk about the awesome date i have planned 4 u.

**To Santana:** Sure. Swing by at seven. Vegan pancakes are on the menu.

**To Rachel:** Sounds…interseting. C u 2morrow Rach.

**To Rachel:** btw thanx 4 giving me a chance. it meens more than u know.


	10. Chapter 10

**To Santana:** So have I converted you? :)

**To Rachel:** ok i'll admit that is wusn't compltly horrible. but i think im still gonna have 2 eat sum meat and meat byproducts every now and then. otherwise snix will lose it.

**To Rachel:** Also, ur dad is fucking terrifying so plz never leave me alone w/ him again.

**To Santana:** Daddy's harmless. Mostly. Uh oh…Finn's coming over and it looks like he's on a mission. Text you in a second.

**To Rachel:** wut does that overgrown sack of walking potatos want?

**To Rachel:** Rach?

**To Rachel:** Rachel wut did he want?

**To Santana:** Stay away from Rachel.

**To Rachel:** oh fuck no. finnept u've got 1 second 2 give that phone back 2 rachel and clear the fucking town before i tear this school apart looking 4 u.

***Calls Rachel* *No Answer***

**To Rachel:** Rachel stay where u r im coming now.

**To Santana:** Crisis averted! No need for slayings. We had a short, but heated argument. He was holding the phone over his head texting you, and obviously I couldn't reach. Brittany kicked him in the shins and he dropped it.

**To Santana:** But could you still come to the English room? I need a hug.

**To Rachel:** did he hurt u becuz i swear to fucking god i will mount his moobs on my wall if he did. and babe u must b high if u think im just gonna let hudson get away with this.

**To Rachel:** and ill b there n a min just let me call off the search party. damn useful those baby cheerios r.

**To Santana:** I'm perfectly fine - it was just an argument. And I'm going to just ignore the fact that you actually have minions.

**To Rachel:** WE have minions babe. Wuts mine is urs. B there in a sec. Hold tite.

**To Rachel:** I'll be right here waiting.


	11. Chapter 11

**To Rachel:** Hey babe wut r u wearin?

**To Santana:** My pink and gold star footie pajamas. Why?

**To Rachel:** O.O' erm did u 4get that im going to be pickin u up in like an hour? i wanted 2 make sure u were dressed rite cus we're gonna be outside.

**To Santana:** Of course I didn't forget. I'm messing with you. I'm wearing jeans and my Captain America baby doll tshirt. You said casual, right?

**To Rachel:** ok that's good. sorry 4 a sec i thought i was getting punked. and yeah casual is the way 2 go 2nite. btw ur scary ass dad isn't gonna beat me into a pulp when i pick u up rite? cus srsly no me gusta that idea.

**To Santana:** Of course not. I've informed him that he must be on his best behavior. And Dad will help keep him in check.

**To Santana:** Um…they're requesting that you come in for a minute when you arrive.

**To Rachel:** Hi Rachel this is Brittany. Santana is kind of ventilating at the moment. She wants to know if your fathers know about how Santana was a big mean jerk to you for so long and if they plan to kill her.

**To Rachel:** I told her you wouldn't let them because then we wouldn't have enough people to compete at Regionals but she didn't believe me.

**To Santana:** Calm down. They'll behave, I promise. And I will hold your hand the whole time.

**To Santana:** Santana, this is Hiram Berry. I promise no harm will come to you so long as Rachel's home on time, and without hickeys.

**To Rachel:** Yes of course sir. In fact I can have her home early if that's what you would prefer. I'm flexible.

**To Rachel:** No that sounds wrong. I'm not flexible. I mean I am because of Cheerios but that has nothing to do with tonight at all.

**To Rachel:** omg i suck. Rach I'll b there n 20.

**To Santana:** LOL, okay. I'll try to get Daddy to put the shotgun away before he answers the door…

**To Santana:** Calm down, I'm kidding.

**To Rachel:** She ventilating again but she says she'll be there soon. :D

**To Santana:** Thanks, Brittany!


	12. Chapter 12

**To Santana:** Thanks so much for tonight… it really was the best date I've ever been on. Even if that one hippie dude spilled his beer on us. :)

**To Rachel:** lol yeah that was a lil horrifying. ive got cheap beer in places beer shouldn't be.

**To Rachel:** im glad u had fun…it was the best nite of my life ;-)

**To Santana:** It's my turn to plan the next date.

**To Rachel:** Um Rach…that sounds a lil ominous u know rite?

**To Santana:** Points for use of the word ominous. And relax - I promise it'll be something fun!

**To Rachel:** I actlly have a huge vocab thank u very much. i just think ur missing the whole point of txts Baby Girl.

**To Rachel:** Fun huh? can i get a hint?

**To Santana:** I know you do. I was Ms. Krechner's teacher's assistant last year. I used to love reading your essays - they were always though provoking.

**To Santana:** Sure, you can have a hint. Hint: combat

**To Rachel:** yeah plz dont let any1 n on the deep factor. my rep couldnt survive that.

**To Rachel:** And yeah cause combat doesn't sound any less ominous jsyk.

**To Santana:** You can't see it, but I'm rolling my eyes at you. I like smart Santana. But I promise to, as they say, keep it on the DL. Besides, strictly speaking, I don't know that it was your essays that I was reading. The names were covered for privacy. I made an educated guess based on the assumption that you're the only person at this school with the balls to start an essay on Native Son with "Fuck the police."

**To Santana:** You'll like it. Now, I'm off to start my nightly ritual. Have a pleasant night, San.

**To Rachel:** well u like smart Santana and I'm fond of her but most ppl r not so thank you. And yeah u should read 1 of my history esssays sumtime. Goodnite Rach. Have sweet dreams bout broadway and me.


	13. Chapter 13

**To Rachel:** TINK HELP ME I'M TRAPPED N A TREE! WHERE THE HELL DO I GET ME AMMO?!

**To Santana:** For the last time, Santana, you really need to stop getting drunk and playing Xbox.

**To Rachel:** Dammit woman help me! u fucking rock this game! i'll do wutever u want!

**To Santana:** …really? Whatever I want? So you would, for example, agree to go vegan with me for a week?

**To Rachel:** BABY I DOMT HAVE ANY LIFES LEFT AND PUCKK IS BAOUT TO BEAT ME! I WILL GO VEGAN 4 2 WEEKS IF U TELL ME WHERE THE FUCKING AMMO ON THE INDUSTRIAL LEVEL IS!

**To Santana:** Jump down out of the tree to the south (facing the metal bunker) and run to your left. You'll find two stores of ammo under the cave looking thing. And then, if you can get to it without getting shot, there's more on the cliff above you.

**To Santana:** I'm sure you won't remember this by Monday, but I'll have a hearty lunch packed for you. :)

_**To Rachel from Puck:**_ NO FAIR RACHEL YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HELP HER WIN! BAD JEWBABE!

**To Rachel:** HAHA VICTORY IS MINE! THNX BABY!

**To Rachel:** Wiat…what about a lunch?

**To Rachel:** Goodnight, Santana.

**To Puck:** All's fair in love and…er…Halo. Goodnight, Noah.

**To Rachel:** No babe wut did u mean about lunch! my phone is dumpign my inbox.

**To Rachel:** Babe?

**To Rachel:** -.- goodnight babe.


	14. Chapter 14

**To Santana:** Good morning! Don't eat breakfast at your house. I'm cooking.

**To Rachel:** O.O wut r u making?

**To Santana:** Blueberry pancakes, spinach and pepper frittata, and some fruit on the side. Hurry over so you have time to eat!

**To Rachel:** OMG that sound fuckin awesome. ur like the best gf ever u know? and i shud b leaving soon. im just finishing up sum last min test preps

**To Santana:** Well, I wanted to start of Vegan Fortnight with a bang!

**To Rachel:** ur really gung ho bout this rn't u rach?

**To Santana:** After you and Daddy found common ground over your mutual love of sausage (please no jokes) it's been my life's mission to convert you.

**To Rachel:** hey don't knock the encased meat byproducts. its the only thing that keeps ur dad from hating me.

**To Rachel:** also, wanky and i thought i was converting u

**To Rachel:** :D :D : D

**To Santana:** I'm not dignifying that with a response. Hurry your cute ass over here!

**To Rachel:** wutever u think i'm awesome. b there n a few baby girl.


	15. Chapter 15

**To Rachel:** hey um question

**To Santana:** I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

**To Rachel:** Wait wut? no. wut woman!1!

**To Santana:** Lol, it was a joke, baby. What's on your mind?

**To Rachel:** 1 ur a dork and how am i just realizing this 2 why is it sexy? and 3 do u maybe wanna rock a duet w/ me this week?

**To Santana:** I just let out such a big relieved sigh that Kurt and Mercedes are sort of worried. I've been DYING to ask you to do a duet, but I didn't want to rush things. What should we sing? I think Trust would be a good choice. Keyshia Cole and Monica would fit us fairly well. And I believe they're singing about a guy in the song, but we could change the lyrics a bit.

**To Rachel:** lol wutever u want 2 do baby. i trust u. and yeah that songs is kinda perfect 4 us huh?

**To Rachel:** hold up uno momento babe

_**To Rachel from Brittany:**_ lol Santana is beating puck over the head with a binder for calling her whipped. It's awesome.

**To Rachel:** ok so yeah that song sounds gr8

**To Santana:** Let's not resort to violence. However much he deserves it. :)

**To Santana:** I know for a fact that Mr. Schue doesn't have a lesson planned for today, so barring any inane impromptu teaching, we can practice during glee.

**To Santana:** *sigh* I have to go. Kurt and Mercedes are being themselves.

**To Rachel:** B is such a tattle tail -.-

**To Rachel:** and yeah i saw wemma making out in his office like their health isn't a decade from declining so i doubt we'll have any actul lesson 2day

**To Rachel:** c u lunch?

**To Santana:** Oh god! Did you have to flush your eyes with water afterwards? And yes! I have yours packed, so no need to go through the line for anything other than your drink.

**To Santana:** And before you ask, no, their lemonade isn't vegan.


	16. Chapter 16

**To Santana:** Warning! Kurt is on the prowl. And he's probably going to grill you about us.

**To Rachel:** oh yeah cuz porcelain is bout as scary as a poodle in 2 of those pink tutus.

**To Rachel:** 4 the record though wut exactly does he want?

**To Santana:** This isn't about scary. This is about the fact that one half of McKinley's biggest gossip duo is digging for news. He says we've been acting funny. I evaded his questions, but I can tell he's not about to let it drop.

**To Rachel:** dammit i just dodged him n2 a bathroom. y can't ppl respect privacy?

**To Rachel:** do u…do u want him 2 know about us. like i dont want u 2 feel like i'm ashamed or anything.

**To Santana:** I know you're not. I also know this school is basically social Hunger Games. I don't want you to have to endure assholishness (blame Quinn for that word) just because of me.

**To Santana:** Let's tell glee after our duet. That way they can talk it out (or yell, as might be the case) there and we can ask them to contain themselves around the general populous.

**To Rachel:** yeah i have a feeling thundertits is gonna blow a gasket but i'm down. i wanna b able 2 hold u n my lap even if its only n that room. in fact especially n that room.

**To Rachel:** can u do something 4 me though? just stay beside me so if gigantor does lose his shit i can easily get n front of u okay. it will make me feel better.

**To Santana:** I happen to be perfectly capable of handling myself against Finn. However, I will acquiesce to your incredibly sexy protective instincts and stay close by.

**To Rachel:** Thank u baby. i'd…ur important 2 me. very important.

**To Rachel:** so after our duet then?

**To Santana:** I think that would be the best course of action, strategically speaking. They'll be wondering. It's a pretty charged song. Plus, if anyone does actually go crazy, then at least we'll have already gotten to perform.

**To Santana:** You're important to me, too.

**To Rachel:** Love you priorities babe. "OR EVEN WORSE, EXPELLED." ok i'll meet u by ur locker rite b4 glee starts.

**To Santana:** And you say _**I'm**_ the nerd…

**To Santana:** See you then!


	17. Chapter 17

**To Santana:** Well…all in all, it could have gone worse…

**To Rachel:** Alwayz the optimist babe. But i guess ur rite tho i think Schue is prob scarred or sumthing. he looked at finnept like it was his 1st time seeing him.

**To Santana:** To be fair, it probably was his first time seeing him throw a chair, rather than just kick one.

**To Rachel:** Gotta giv it 2 him that chair got awesome hang time. mayb if i stood 1 end of the field kissing u he could actually throw a ball during a game.

**To Rachel:** also plz don't b pissed but i mite have misconstrued how much my arm hurts just a lil earlier.

**To Santana:** No. He'll drop the ball, run and tackle you instead. I'm not that emotionally invested in our football program to risk it.

**To Santana:** Misconstrued? Does that mean it hurts more, and you were being brave, or it hurts less and you were playing it up for sympathy kisses?

**To Rachel:** awe u do like me. i told kurtcedes it wasn't just my fine ass body u were after.

**To Rachel:** it means i'm at the hospital with my papi and they're sayin a whole bunch of mess i don't like about popping stuff back n2 place.

**To Santana:** Santana Diabla!

**To Santana:** I'm going over to the Hummel-Hudson residence right now with a hammer…. #eyeforaneye #orinthiscasearm

**To Rachel: **Noooo Tink! as much as ur hobbit fury turns me the fuck on the last thing we need is u crawling up the walking tree w/ a hammer. i think that is sumthin the papz would definitly drag up when ur famous.

**To Rachel:** I'll b ok. Tis but a lil scratch. Cross my heart. Tho Sue's prob gonna shit bricks when she finds out i'm down for 3 weeks.

**To Santana:** You're kidding, right? Tales of former guts and glory would surely keep them off my back. You notice how no one fucks with Dr. Dre or Eminem?

**To Santana:** Pardon my French.

**To Santana:** Still going over. Daddy's going with me. :) #BerryRetributionShallBeHad

**To Rachel:** ok but plz be careful babe. i'd hate 2 have 2 go 2 prison. i mean i'd rock it but still i need my coffee.

**To Rachel:** ok babe i gotta go. fuck this is gonna hurt.

**To Santana:** I promise to kiss it better next time I see you.

**To Rachel:** I'ma hold u 2 that babe. ;)


	18. Chapter 18

**To Rachel:** soooooooooo how did last nite go? sorry i didn't text u all. papi gave me sum pill that knocked me on my ass hardcore.

**To Rachel:** also i can't get my jeans buttoned T_T #bamfproblems

**To Santana:** Well… Kurt found the whole thing funny. Carol and I spent the entire ordeal in the kitchen drinking (she had a wine cooler, I had tea) and discussing some of the subtext in Game of Thrones. Daddy came out looking very pleased with himself. Burt looked annoyed at Finn, and sympathetic toward my plight. And I can't be sure because his jeans were dark, but it looked like Finn peed himself just a bit.

**To Santana:** Would you like me to come over and help you dress?

**To Santana:** I did NOT mean that in any dirty way!

**To Rachel:** omg i hope he peed himself. turns out when i caught that chair i popped my shoulder out of socket. ass.

**To Rachel:** not even a lil dirty rachel? u kno u want up on this.

**To Rachel:** j/k but yeah if u don't mind. my papi already left and i don't think i can rock the sweats look and still look scary. i can alredy tell this sling is gonna turn n2 a target by the end of the day

**To Santana:** I'll be there in fifteen.

**To Santana:** And I don't think you'll have to worry. I was ranting to Quinn about what happened and she told me she would "crank it up to 11"…whatever that means.

**To Rachel:** Oh holy shit! She actually said 11? color me fuckin impressed the last time we called an 11 wus when britt forgot to wear shoes 2 school.

**To Rachel:** Still would u mind if it was just u and me 4 lunch? like the auditorium. I just wanna b with u.

**To Santana:** Absolutely! I've packed us a wonderful lunch today. Picnic style will be fitting.

**To Santana:** And before you ask, yes, it's still vegan. You're going the full two weeks.

**To Rachel:** lol u won't hear any complaints out of me. now hurry up and get over here or i'm gonna 4get 2 wear pants 2 school 2day babe.

**To Santana:** NO, Santana. We don't want a repeat of the "Jewfro and Mountain Dew" incident…. I'll be there soon.


	19. Chapter 19

_**Hey guys! Just wanted to say thank you all for reading this and reviewing. We're having sooooooo much fun writing them. I know a lot of you have suggested we write full chapters of this but really neither of us have the time right now what with our other projects. And to answer another questions this isn't planned out at all. Really every single one has been spur of the moment us just answering how we think our character would answer. Hope y'all enjoy!**_

**To Santana:** Why were you avoiding me today?

**To Santana:** Did I do something to upset you?

**To Santana:** San, at least tell me what I did so we can talk about it!

**To Rachel:** i shouldnt have 2 tell u is the thing! i know i'm a fuckup but at least i know when i'm fucking up.

**To Santana:** Stop. You are NOT a fuck up. You make mistakes. We all do. And yeah, maybe it's something glaringly obvious to you, but I'm searching blind here.

**To Santana:** I've gone through the day in my head twice now, and I honestly don't know. Talk to me?

**To Rachel:** homeroom rachel. schue was talkin bout regionals duets and suggested u and finn and u just went along wtih it. it didn't occur 2 u that it woudl bother me? or that mayb i wanted a chance 2 do a duet with u.

**To Santana:** I didn't "Just go along with it"! I expressly stated that I would prefer NOT to do a duet with Finn. Mr. Schue pushed the point, so I took one for the team. The team that was, if you remember, jumping down my throat because I was, and I quote, "Now being a diva about song partners". I would love to do a duet with you, but I get enough crap about my ideas as it is. If it's something you want, you have to speak up.

**To Santana:** I'll tell Mr. Schue I'm pulling out of the duet first thing tomorrow, if that makes you feel better.

**To Rachel:** no it doesn't make me feel better that ur pulling out as an afterthought becuz i'm angry. and i tried 2 spk up if u remember but schue basically told me 2 shut the fuck up. all i'm sayin is if schue asked me 2 do a duet withsome and i knew it would make u uncomfortable i would have just said no before ur feelings got hurt.

**To Rachel:** look wutever i don't want 2 fite ok. wuts done is done.

**To Santana:** You're right. I'm sorry.

**To Santana; Quinn; Artie: Mercedes; Brittany; Sam; Kurt; Blaine; Finn; Puck; Sugar; Tina; Mike; Rory; Joe; Mr. Schuester:** I apologize for the argument today in glee. I'm pulling out of the duet. This isn't me being a diva; it's for personal reasons. Personally, I think Finn and I have had our chance to shine plenty of times, and we should showcase some other talent at Regionals anyway. I would love to discuss this further in glee tomorrow, if we can do so without fighting. Hope everyone has a pleasant evening. *R. Berry

**To Rachel:** Fuck…I"m sorry 2 babe. i shud have talked 2 u earlier. can i come over?

**To Santana:** Um…I wouldn't suggest it. I may have done some screaming therapy earlier without know that Daddy was home. He may not be very understanding. Pick me up tomorrow and we can talk before school?

**To Rachel:** alrite i'll be there earlier then usual


	20. Chapter 20

**To Rachel: **Hey…totes casual question…wuts the capital of Maine?

**To Santana: **Augusta. Why?

**To Rachel: **No reason in partic…wut about Florida?

**To Santana: **Santana Diabla, are you cheating on a test of some sort? And how do you not know the capital of Florida? Maine I sort of get, but FLORIDA?

**To Rachel: **Plz Rach! I wus up rlly rlly late last nite workin on sumthing and freaking puckerman is behind me drumming on his desk and jewfro is next to me breathing heavily and i can't fail this test.

**To Rachel: **I'll make it worth ur while i promise baby

**To Santana: **We learned the capitals in elementary school! Is Mr. Collins on one of his "Let's see if you idiots can retain anything" kicks again?

**To Santana: **Capital's Tallahassee.

**To Rachel: **No hes on 1 of his lets fuck with Lopez kicks. i swear 2 god i'm having such a shit day. T_T

**To Rachel: **Thnx baby girl ur a lifesaver. I prmise a surprise 4 u l8er 2day. 3

**To Santana: **I'm aquiver with anticipation. :)

**To Rachel: **trust me it's gonna b awesome


	21. Chapter 21

**To Santana: **OMG, get down to the choir room, STAT! You're going to love this!

**To Rachel: **Oh plz tell me that Puck got his junk stuck in his guitar again!

**To Santana: **Ew! What? NO! Daddy's tearing Mr. Schue a new one…. He's not impressed with the fact that Schue tried to make me do something I was clearly uncomfortable with, and then yelled at you for trying to speak up for me. It's like the Fourth of July in there!

**To Rachel: **OH MY GOD YES VIRGINA THERE IS A SANTA CLAUSE!

**To Rachel: **y am i not in there! tell leroy 2 w8 or least record it.

**To Santana: **Recording it so you can see it from the beginning. Oh god, Schue just used the word "diva" and not in a good way. I don't know what to do. Should I stop the carnage.

**To Santana: **Well…if he didn't get the message from me that I won't be singing with Finn, I think he gets it now. Goodness….

**To Rachel: **Just a suggestion but tell ur scary ass dad that we want that duet.

**To Rachel: **Fuck i just ran n2 Shamu. Think i shud bring him along?

**To Santana: **Already told him. He's secured us a spot on the program for Nationals. :)

**To Santana: **Shamu?

**To Rachel: **Score! Daddy Berry 4 the win. I'm sure u already have a couple songs picked out huh?

**To Rachel: **And yes Shamu. Schue said I needed 2 stop calling Finn Finnocense. And i'm draggin him along cuz he apparently has an idea 4 regionals thats just "gonna b gr8!" -.- B there in a min.

**To Santana**: A couple of ideas, but I'm excited to hear any suggestions from you!

**To Santana**: Oh lord…this is about to get messy…


	22. Chapter 22

**To Rachel:** I mentioned l8y how much I like u?

**To Rahel: **Cuz I like u like Cedes likes tots or Sue likes winning. Ur like my fav person.

**To Santana:** I appreciate the sentiment, and completely reciprocate. Now what did you do? :-)

**To Rachel: **Hey I resent that u kno! LOL I've dun nothin. I just felt like telling u i like u. it's nice 2 b nice.

**To Santana:** it is. And you're starting to worry me.

**To Santana:** but for the record, you're sweet. :-)

**To Rachel: **not as sweet as u r babe**. **wut r u up 2 2nite btw?

**To Rachel: **if ur free wut do u say 2 comin over 2 my place and getting our cuddle on with disney movies and pizza?

**To Santana:** Sounds great! Starting w/ Great Mouse Detective. I'll bring dessert.

**To Santana:** Wipe that grin off your face. I didn't mean that in a dirty way!

**To Rachel: **lawl didn't take it n a dirty way babe. i told u i was willing 2 take things as slow as u want them. i'd wait years 4 u. ;-)


	23. Chapter 23

**To Santana:** On a scale of 1 to 10, how scared should I be about meeting your parents?

**To Rachel: **Srsly like a 1. they fuckin love u more than me and they haven't even met u  
-.-

**To Rachel: **well my dad mite b a bit of an ass but my mom keeps threatening me not 2 fuck anything up -.-

**To Santana: **When you say "a bit of an ass" what exactly does that mean?

**To Rachel: **I mean he's a bit of a ass. he's old & cranky & not xactly thrilled to have a gay kid. but my mom has him ona leash shortr then Finnept's attention span. so he'll at worst just sit & pout.

**To Santana: **Right…well, should I bring anything? Dessert? Wine?

**To Rachel: **nope it's all taken care of babe. just brng ur cute lil ass.

**To Rachel: **WAIT NO I TAKE THAT BACK! COOKIES! BRING COOKIES! 4 ME!

**To Santana: **Oh my goodness… You and those cookies. Which kind do you want?

**To Rachel: **MAKE ALL THE COOKIES! :D

**To Rachel: **Snicker-doodles plz.

**To Santana: **I think you might need a 12 step program…

**To Rachel: **Fuck that noise i'm happy bein crazy addicted 2 u.

**To Rachel: **ok tal bit. btw quinn is lookin 4 u.

**To Santana: **I meant for the cookies! LOL!

**To Santana: **Thanks, I'll go find her.


	24. Chapter 24

**To Rachel: **rawr rawr rawr…rawr…entertain me?

**To Santana: **Umm…sure. I might be a little slow to answer.

**To Santana: **Kiwi. Answer back with the first thing that comes to your mind.

**To Rachel: **O.O y slow 2 answer? also what did queen quinn want btw?

**To Rachel: **Australia

**To Santana: **I'm with her right now. We're working on something.

**To Santana: **Vegemite

**To Rachel: **workin on wut?

**To Rachel: **disappointment

**To Santana: **Just a project

**To Santana: **Coffee.

**To Rachel: **woa hold ^ the phone baby. how the hell did u jump frm disappointment to coffee? like there r a thousand other things u could have chosen. finnept's abs, ryan murhpy's career, america's legal system. all of that and u chose delicious warming caffeinated hugs in mugs?

**To Santana: **Coffee and popcorn always smell better than they taste.

**To Rachel: **T_T it's lik i don't even no u! lol

**To Rachel: **ok pause y r like 20 ppl walking 2wards me & B with roses?

**To Santana: **"Girl we've got something that keeps reminding us, we don't need nothing as long as we've got love. Believe it, I mean it, I know we'll always have enough. As long as we've got love." :)

**To Rachel: **oh when u r rdy u r soooooooo getting some baby girl.

**To Santana: **Well, my dads _are _leaving this weekend for a business trip…

**To Santana: **Just saying… :)

**To Rachel From Brittany: **Hey Rach San just started breathing real funny again. She said she'll see you in Glee though. :D


	25. Chapter 25

**To Santana: **After such an…uh…eventful Friday and Saturday, I must confess that I'm terribly bored.

**To Santana: **Also, Quinn might ask for details.

**To Rachel: **yeah i no wut u meen. i say we skip the rest of the day and have a continuation if u no wut i meen. ;-)

**To Rachel: **oh good lord y wud she ask me? ur her bestie not me

**To Santana: **I need to study, unfortunately. And rehydrate.

**To Santana: **B/c you were her bestie first, and she's probably under the impression that she'd get more out of you than from me.

**To Rachel: **note 2 self buy more water bottles and redbull

**To Rachel: **fair enuf but just a warning somehow puck just nos and i have no idea how but he'll prbbly looki ensure that i'm not some evil chastity stealing monster -.-

**To Santana: **And on that note… I think Finn knows too. He's stomping up my driveway like a rhino with an earache.

**To Rachel: **oh jesus fuck did sum1 tweet about it? don't open ur door i'm on my way over

**To Santana: **McKinley must have its own version of Gossip Girl….

**To Santana: **Um… hurry? And bring Puck? And Quinn? And Brittany (she knows Krav Maga). I think he's trying to break down the door… and I'm not sure that he doesn't know where the spare key is.

**To Rachel: **my $ is on jewfro that creepy lil bastard

**To Rachel: **b there in 2 babe. brngin the whole club.

**To Santana: **I'm sure I'll know when you're here from the sounds of carnage and doom….


	26. Chapter 26

**To Rachel: **hey babe is everythng goin ok on ur end? i should be getting out in a few mins. they just had 2 put a new cast on.

**To Santana: **…my dads just gave me The Talk…

**To Rachel: **oh christ…how did that go?

**To Rachel: **oh man my mami just text me asking me 2 cum home.

**To Rachel: **she wants 2 "talk" this can't b gud.

**To Santana: **Well, it was surprisingly okay. Daddy grumbled a bit about you "stealing my virtue" but then Dad went all feminist on him and lectured both of us on how sex was a perfectly normal, healthy part of life and that I was still a wonderful, respectable woman and shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of a healthy expression of my love towards you.

**To Santana: **Then we had cake.

**To Rachel: **go papa berry. thought i'm a bit offended. i mean how they no u didn't steal my virtue? lawl

**To Rachel: **oh shit. mami is making tortilla soup. she only makes that wen she's pissed off.

**To Rachel: **if u never hear from me again its cuz she's killed me and buried me beneath her tomatoes. know i loved u.

**To Santana: **Please, Santana… before rounds 1-7 I had no idea what I was doing. Could you really see me stealing anything?

**To Santana: **She'd probably bury you under her okra, actually. It's harder to grow, and your decomposing body would fertilize the soil nicely.

**To Santana: **That said, please text me later to let me know that neither eventuality has come to pass.

**To Rachel: **well u mnged 2 steal my heart so i don't know

**To Rachel: **ok false alarm she told me 2 treat u rite or she'd bury me beneath the okra (thats fucked up btw).

**To Rachel: **also the soup is vegan and she wants u 2 come over

**To Santana: **That was horrible. *groan*.

**To Santana: **I'll be right over - Daddy's attempting to make eggplant Parmesan again, and that only ever ends in tears.

**To Rachel: **lawl jerk that wuz me bein romantic u hater

**To Rachel: **alrite but hurry. jesus my mom loves u. like no joke.


	27. Chapter 27

**To Santana from Quinn: **Text Rachel. She super needs you.

**To Santana: **If Quinn is texting you, please know that she's being an alarmist.

**To Quinn from Santana: **wuts goin on?! spill everything now fabray!

**To Rachel: **y wuts up babe?

**To Santana from Quinn: **You know how scary your gf is when she glares…no way, Lopez. Talk to her.

**To Santana: **Well…you know how we went shopping today? And how you told us to take Puck with us in case we ran into Finn? And how he's still kind of pissed about me "slutting it up" with you?

**To Rachel: **What did he do? The full stry Rach or i beat it out of tubbers .

**To Santana: **Technically HE didn't do anything. We were coming out of Forever 21 (why didn't you warn me how crazy that store was, btw?) and Quinn ran back in b/c she forgot her receipt. I went to wait for her on the bench that's next to the fountain, and as soon as I sat down, five of the football guys cornered me. Lime slushie sucks, especially since my tolerance to it has waned in the wake of our relationship.

**To Santana: **Also, no need to beat Quinn. She handled it. Thoroughly.

**To Rachel: **…and where the fuck was puck? and where r u rite now?

**To Santana: **We sent him to Game Stop so we could do Victoria Secret & F21. He came running when he heard Fabray going Fab-cray. That's how we know Finn was behind it. He saw him high fiving those guys and paying them.

**To Santana: **And we're at Quinn's now. We took a shower and we're watching the Power Rangers' movie. Come over, there are cookies.

**To Rachel: **b over n a bit

**To Pyramid Nips from Santana: **u r a dead man walking hudson

**To Fuckerman from Santana: **keep Rach busy

**To Santana from Quinn: **I'm sure you're blind with rage at the moment, or else you would've gone all Possessive!Lopez and asked if we showered together. Regardless, you are not allowed to do anything that will get you arrested. Come over, and we'll plan our revenge like good little evil overlords.

**To Quinn from Santana: **fuck that noise ima go tear off finnessa's dick and feed it 2 him

**To Quinn from Brittany: **Hey Quinn, Santana just showed up asking if she could borrow one of my hockey sticks. I should say no right?

**To Brittany from Quinn: **Yes! Thanks, Ducky. :)

**To Brittany from Rachel: **Please attempt to keep her there until Puck comes to get her. And you, if you'd like to come over.

**To Santana from Puck: **On my way, as per Captain and Princess's orders. Hang tight.

**To Santana: **Santana Diabla, if you leave to exact revenge on Finn, I will cut you off from my cookies until graduation! I mean that in both the literal sense of edible cookies, as well as any euphemistic sense.

**To Fuckerman from Santana: **oh christ just stay there me and b r on our way u freaking tattle tale.

**To Rachel: **u don't play fair. u know i'm not going 2 just let this go rite. i…i have 2 protect u rachel. he can't just get away with being a dickface. u mean 2 much 2 me.

**To Santana from Puck: **It wasn't me, it was baby mama!

**To Santana: **You're amazing, and sweet, and a wonderful girlfriend. Thus, I'd like to keep you out of jail, please and thanks. I can take a few slushies, Santana. We'll cuddle and talk about it when you get here.

**To Quinn from Santana: **check ur shampoo from now until the end of time if u don't wanna end up a ginger blondie

**To Rachel: **naw i'm just me. I'll b there n a few babe. 3


	28. Chapter 28

**To Rach: **hey babe wher the school rite now?

**To Santana: **In the choir room. Why?

**To Rach: **i've got 2 presents 4 u. u'll find the first one easily if you run across the hall and look out the bathroom window. it's on top of the flag pole. :D

**To Santana: **It had better not be my underwear… Jacob B I already tried that party trick once…

**To Santana: **What the hell? Is that…

**To Rach: **finnept says he is xtremly sorry and will not b bothering u ever again. he'll tell u that himself as well when he figures out how 2 get down.

**To Santana: **Do I even want to know how you got him up there? No…don't answer. I definitely don't want to know.

**To Santana: **And now I'm slightly worried as to what present #2 is…

**To Rach: **we just used Britt's crane no biggie

**To Rach: **i think u'll like it. head over to the cafeteria and look next 2 the vending machines. trust me babe u'll know it when u c it. or well when u don't c it i mean.

**To Santana: **Brittany has a…nevermind. Of course she does.

**To Santana: **Ahhh…so this was what Figgins was grumbling about earlier. Something about being bullied into removing a source of enjoyment for the students…. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say. Plus, they never served grape anymore.

**To Rach: **i shud of gotten it take out a long time ago

**To Rach: **ive got somethign else i wanna give u but i wanna do it n person. came back to the choir room?

**To Santana: **On my way. Though if it's sex, we'll need to take it to the disused bathroom in the social studies hallway. I heard Schue saying something about planning our next assignment during lunch.

**To Rach: **meet me in the social studies hallway? no j/k kind of. just come okay. c u soon.

**_one hour later_**

_****_**To Rachel from Quinn: **IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?

**To Rachel from Quinn: **No, not the obvious hickey on your neck. I KNOW that's what I think it is, so you can stop playing with your hair. I mean on your left hand.

**To Santana from Quinn: **You. Me. Cheerios locker room. Now.


	29. Chapter 29

**To Quinn: **Unhand Santana this instant, Lucy Quinn Fabray!

**To Santana: **Why on earth did she just nearly rugby tackle you into the bathroom?

**To Rach: **fuck if i know! rite now she's screamin sumthing bout marriage and shit & us being 2 yung & u deserving better that that. wut's goin on?

**To Santana: **Oh…she saw the ring you gave me. Natural inference. Correct her, if you would.

**To Rach: **ok cleared that up now shes bitchin bout sue freaking out if she finds out. any idea who pissed in her wheaties this morning babe?

**To Santana: **Umm….no idea, but I have to go. We really have to track down whoever's leaking information. #crap

**To Rach: **ok babe i'm side eying u so hard r/n. and my money is on kurtcedes

**To Rach: **dios mio pucks heading my way and he looks pissed

**To Santana: **Even they aren't that ridiculous. Plus I doubt either of my fathers or Mr. Schue follow their Twitter.

**To Santana: **This is getting out of hand. Wrangle all the crazies into the choir room so we can sort this out.

**To Rach: **plz tell me u have a plan. fuckerman just asked if i knocked u up like rlly wtf how even?

**To Santana: **I plan to yell until they listen. My dramatic brand of crazy trumps all other forms.


	30. Chapter 30

**To Rach: **hows ur day goin babe? and can we hang out 2nite after glee?

**To San: **Moose popsicle platypus mamajamma Iwilleatyourfuckingcorpse am I right? Loose tits. Falcon.

**To Rach: **…

**To Rach: **wut the fuck rach? r u ok?

**To San: **Secret tap doors behind bookcases? Igloo monkey lake sauce.

**To Rach: **…wuts going on? T_T

**To Rach: **is this sum kind of code? did u get kidnapped by jewfro?

**To San: **I'm going to kill Quinn! I left my phone at her house last night, and she changed all my autocorrects! And yes, I'd love to come over later. What are you up to? I didn't see you in the math room when I passed by.

**To Rach: **u know its a good thing i trust u or id b a bit suspicious bout ur 2's relationship.

**To Rach: **and yeah i got called out of class by sue so she could yell me 4 givin u my cheerios ring. and now i'm cleaning trophies smdh

**To San: **Her mom is, so you'd be in good company….

**To San: **That's why she was giving me the stink eye earlier!

**To Rach: **jesus christ i'll c u in glee babe. kurtcedes is heading my way and they look gossipy. 3

**To Rach: **and yeah don't worry. it's liek stupid tradition at this point.

**To San: **Tell them you, Quinn and I are NOT having a threesome! They already asked me….


	31. Chapter 31

**To San: **Never, I repeat, NEVER, again will you talk me into doing shots of Sambuca.

**To Rach: **N my defense ur tha 1 who suggested we go 2 the 7/11 and then tha school.

**To San: **Ummm…can we talk about the fact that by that point both you AND QUINN were sober enough to tell me no?

**To Rach: **Babe have u ever tried 2 tell urself no? U looked me lyk i had kicked ur puppy and u looked Q lyk she had held it down.

**To San: **Please, San. That's not going to work anymore. We both know that I'm easily distractible in that state. You could have just waved something shiny in front of me and it would've been handled.

**To San: **Eurgh…I just got a text from Finn about how he still cares about me and how you're emotionally manipulating me…and how he wants to go out for burgers to talk things over. Should I even try to explain the vegan thing again at this point?

**To Rach: **wanky babe

**To Rach: **u could but i doubt it would do any good. i swear 2 god that boy is fucking part Ent part rock. y can't i just kill him again?

**To Rach: **also think i could emotionally manipulate u n2 a date 2morrow evening? i want 2 do sumthing special.

**To San: **You're incorrigible.

**To San: **Not fair to Ents. They were slow, but they were wise. And helpful. And protective of hobbits.

**To San: **Oooh! Yes! Do I get a hint?

**To Rach: **and yet u still want me ;)

**To Rach: **Fair enuf he's full on rock then. shit rocks probably understand better. at least they're useful.

**To Rach: **nope u'll just have 2 b patient. i will say dress comfortbly, like pajamas comfortbly, and don't eat. i just cleared if w/ ur dad that i have u for the whole nite.

**To San: **I'm a glutton for punishment. Take that how you will….

**To San: **Haha, be nice… :)

**To San: **Fair enough, I suppose, seeing as last time I had you all night. ;)

**To Rach: **oh i'm always nice. ur the 1 that's evil babe.

**To San: **Omg, is this about the Evil Overlord list again? We've been through this - that was all hypothetical! And you shouldn't have been opening random files on my laptop anyway. Looking for porn, my ass….

**To Rach: **no no nothing 2 do w/ that. i still stand by that i was lookin 4 porn though. honestly woman u shouldn't have known that many awesome fun sex moves ur first time out of the gate.

**To Rach: **do u really wanna no or be surprised?

**To San: **Surprise me. :)

**To San: **One question, though, just for clarification. When you say pajamas, do you mean like my gold star footie pajamas? Or can I wear the slutty pajamas that Quinn and I just went shopping for.

**To San: **By the way, you owe me $50. She and Brittany are together! :D

**To Rach: **oh god…both…both is good.

**To Rach: **dammit i'm never betting w/ u again. fucking psychic.

**To Rach: **i'm going to bed. c u 2morrow babe. 3 u.

**To San: **I hope you have a restful sleep, not plagued with nightmares about getting chased by the Trix rabbit and a life-sized talking cookie. #neverlettingyoulivethatonedown

**To San: **Love you back. 3


	32. Chapter 32

**To Rach: **RAWR

**To Rach: **Any clue y ur besty is actin like shes campaigning 4 evil nasty bitch of the yr award?

**To San: **The same reason I fell into a horrible and probably week-long depression about thirty minutes ago. Shelby's back in town.

**To Rach: **jesus wut is she doin here?

**To Rach: **u ok baby? do u need anything? a hug? a kiss? a hit put out?

**To San: **I don't know what I need at the moment. She just turned up before school with Beth. Quinn and I are both spinning out at the moment, so don't take anything either of us say today this week personally.

**To San: **She's taking our parents to lunch, apparently. I don't know what's going on. I hate not knowing what's going on….

**To Rach:** I know u do Baby and I won't take any of it personally. Cross my heart. Did she say anything this morning?

**To San: **Just that she missed me. And she asked if Quinn wanted to hold Beth. She talked to me a little while Quinn was playing with her, but…I don't know. I don't know what to think right now.

**To Rach: **I'm sorry babe. I know this has got 2 suck. How about u, me, and the blondes go off campus 4 lunch? Take ur mind off of it if only 4 a bit. And then after school i'll come home w/ u if u want me 2 so we can find out wuts going on.

**To Rach: **We can go 2 that vegan place u love and I'll even eat vegan w/ u. Also mite b good 2 get Q out of here. She just made Jewfro wet himself which was funny but sad.

**To San: **Sounds good. I'll come get Quinn before she traumatizes the masses. Can you find Brittany? I haven't seen her all day.

**To Rach: **Yeah she's been out next 2 the shop building all morning. Her catapult broke last weekend so Mr. Fleety is letting her cut down some new crossbeams 4 it and mount on the new arrow launchers while she's at it. Meet u out front in 10 Babe?

**To San: **What the actual hell? No, nevermind. I don't want to know anything if the police come asking. See you in ten. After I pull Quinn off of this hockey player…he's turning blue.

**To Rach: **Yeah i caught the beginning of that. He said broadway was dead. I'll c u soon. And babe i can't promise everything will b ok. family drama is usually never just fun. but i can promise 2 b here 4 u no matter wut.


	33. Chapter 33

**To San: **Thank you for today. Quinn says thank you too. If your dad un-grounds you, feel free to come over. How are you doing?

**To Rach: **meh i'm okay. bitch had it coming. now i'm just kinda sore and achy. and papi is full of hot air i'm sure i'll be sprung by the morning. r u okay? need anything? i can force puck 2 do my biddin u no.

**To San: **No, I'm okay. This day has just been highly stressful, and I wish you hadn't got caught in the line of fire, as it were.

**To S from Q: **I'm looking after her. Your ass owes me big time - I've had to sit through three musicals so far. #Bamfproblems

**To Rach: **it's fine babe. u know me. i laugh in face of danger. so wut r u up 2 rite now?

**To Q from S: **My ass owes u? I'm sorry who wus it that bailed ur gf out last week when she caught the science lab on fire? bribery and blackmail are not easy tasks 2 pull off when the person ur trying it on has just lost their eyebrows in a mini nuclear explosion.

**To San: **Shelby may not be dangerous, but I am a little apprehensive as to how you're going to hold up against a month-long ban from Breadstix….

**To S from Q: **Bitch, please. Oh, btw, Rae is saying she wants to get hammered and make bad decisions. So either your ass gets ungrounded within the next hour, or you give me written permission to make out with your gf. Cuz Britts is totally down for watching, so….

**To Rach: **I'll b fine. No problem. Oh suddenly ungrounded be over in five.

**To Q from S: **I swear to god blondie keep ur lips away from my gf or i'll give finnept that love letter u wrote him in seventh grade. dont' think i won't do it! u know he's stupid enough to fall 4 it if i put 2days date on it.

**To B from S: **if ur gf's lips touch my gf's lips i'm burning my half of the treasure map brittany.

**To San: **Yay! Wait, why is Quinn laughing all of a sudden? And why is Brittany yelling at her about a map?

**To S from Q: **Relax…I was just trying to put a little hustle in your escape plan. ;)

**To S from B: **Don't worry, as hot as that would be, Q's mine.

**To Rach: **No worries babe. B over n a few minutes. 3 you.

**To Q from S: **I'm side eyeing u so hard blondie.

**To B from S: **Alrite but i'm watching her. One wrong move and my half of the map is going to be nothing but ash Britt Britt and neither of us will ever find that gold.

**To San: **…um, what's this about the four of us going treasure hunting tomorrow? Love you too. See you soon!


	34. Chapter 34

**To San: **No. Absolutely not. I can't believe you're even considering it!

**To Rach: **how did u even…we just started talking about…how did u find out!?

**To San: **Psychic, remember? Plus you pretty much radiated the "I'm up to something" look in Glee yesterday. Have you completely lost your mind?

**To Rach: **no i haven't. look this could b a good thing 4 us. schools almost over w/ and i want 2 go to ny with u and that isn't going 2 b cheap. don't u want me there w/ u?

**To San: **Of course I want you there with me! But this is insane! Those places aren't safe, Santana. I don't want you getting hurt.

**To Rach: **babe don't u think u mite b being a lil over dramatic? it's not like i'm going 2 war. it's just a job at chucky cheese 2 make a lil extra money 4 an apt. wuts the worst that could happen?

**To San: **Do you know how many infectious diseases are living in the ball pit?

**To San: **And I swear, if you make a joke about Noah's anatomy, I'm cutting you off.

**To Rach: **hey it'll b ok. all my job entails is making sure the monsters and they're children don't wreck the place and in a few months of saving i'll have enuf to not have to live in a roach motel come ny.

**To Rach: **now i've gotta go help brit finish putting the new tires on her monster truck. do u want 2 hang out 2nite? we'll talk about the job thing then cross my heart.

**To San: **Fine. Come over for dinner. Daddy's making steak. #carnivores

**To Rach: **rock on. c u in a few hours baby. 3


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N Hey guys I'm so glad you guys like this story. I know it's a little hard to follow so I hope the change I made will make it a bit easier on y'all. From now on if Rach or San are texting with Quinn or Britt those texts will be in italics to separate them from Rachel and Santana. You feel me? **

**To Rach: **so shelby just cornered me

**To San: **Merciful tap dancing Moses on a snowmobile! What did she want?

**To Rach: **ur ridiculously adorable at times u know? apparently she thinks i'm the reason ur reluctant 2 talk w/ her 1 on 1 and told me n no certain terms to back off of u.

**To San: **…I don't even have words…

**To San: **You didn't kill her, right?

**To Rach: **nope i just walked away after reminding her that u r ur own person and no one makes decisions 4 u but u. but she said this isn't over so that's exciting in a non-exciting way.

**To Rach: **personally i smell Finn in this.

**To San: **You think he said something to her? Whatever. I'll just go talk to her after school. Thank you for taking the high road, lovebug.

**To San: **Er…and you may need to take the high road again later. Quinn just spotted that last text and is highly amused by your pet name…

**To Rach: **omg babe y do u hate me? if she calls me that or even mentions it i'm gonna rub her pretty lil face into the high road u feel me?

**To Rach: **and yeah i think it's a possibility that he talked 2 her. sum of the shit she said 2 me…accused me of. it stung a bit. and unless she's been following us for a few yrs she wouldn't of known half that stuff.

**To San: **You will not be rubbing my best friend's face into anything, Santana Diabla.

**To San: **I'm going to need details. Now. That is not a suggestion. Full story.

**To Rach: **hey if she starts it then it's fair game and she knows it. no worries though i just found out B calls her Quinny Bear.

**To Rach: **and it was nothing 2 big. she just brought up that i'm u know me and i mite not b the best choice 4 u all things considered. but like i said i shut her down. :)

**To San: **Your friendship with Quin mystifies me sometimes. And everybody knows B calls her that. Not exactly leverage. We're going to have to work on the art of blackmail with you… :)

**To San: **I'm going to be absent from Physics. Please let Ms. Pearson know.

**To Rach: **oh babe have me met? a certain blonde wrote a certain love letter in 7th grade to a certain walking rock we know during a slumber party on a dare and a certain bamf happened to keep a hold of it all of these years just in case. it's y even her worst Q has never pushed me 2 far.

**To Rach: **hey no rlly it's not that big baby. i mean yeah it sucked becuz that's coming from ur mother but i'm good.

**To San: **That's adorable. You two are ridiculous. And it is a big deal. I'll see you after class.

**To Rach: **ok…just b careful ok?

**_To Rachel from Brittany: _**_hey so san is an idiot by the way._

**To San: **I will, promise.

**_To Brittany from Rachel: _**_Why?_

**_To Rachel from Brittany: _**_Because she's got her insecure face on and coupled with what just happened with your mother (it was not pretty btw) I'm thinking that she's afraid you're going to believe all of those horrible things Shelby said about San. Which even I know is dumb. -.-_

**_To Brittany from Rachel: _**_Oh goodness… Okay, I'll be back ASAP. Please don't let her go Level 2 on us, as Quinn calls it._

**To San: **I'm going to need Santana time tonight. My place after Glee? I'll make cookies!

**_To Rachel from Brittany: _**_I'm on it. I'm gonna get her to help me work on the blueprints. That should keep her mind from going to the bad place for a while because they're super complicated._

**To Rach: **sounds good 2 me. everything ok? did u c shelby yet?

**_To Brittany from Rachel: _**_Blueprints? Is there something Quinn and I should know about?_

**To San: **Just pulled up to her apartment complex. Will text you in a bit.

**_To Rachel from Brittany: _**_Nope all is good. Nothing to see here. Talk to you later. Bye_.

**To Rach: **ok…love you.

**_To Quinn from Rachel: _**_First a catapult, now blueprints. Please get your girlfriend before the Feds do…. Meet me at Shelby's, stat. We have to have a sit down._

**To San: **Whatever Shelby told you, ignore it. I love you, and she can't change that. I'm about to get to the bottom of this. See you later.


End file.
